Confessions of a Self-Hating Yogi
Did you know that I'm a control freak? Yep. That's how I learned to be compassionate.
Before self-love, I had to look harshly on all the uptight, wound-up habits I have in the world. (There's a lot, and they're hilarious.) The only way I could live with them was to learn how to love them.
Great counselling has taught me to regard uptight clenching as my "growth zone," and that I can love myself anyways. By loving my stiffness, closed-mindedness, and other unsavoury digressions, I can move past the agony of being, and get into just Being.
And I take myself less seriously - which is about the only thing I actually control. To me that means moving around, prancing. It's fun, and that is a gamechanger.
Some days I choose to hide behind fear and rigidity. I just want to know everything now. I can't accept the mystery, so I choose misery instead.
And other days, I can see that I'm blinded by rigidity and I know that it's time to move my body. With that bigger perspective I see that I don't need to know; that the mystery is a much bigger gift; that humility is joyful.
So here I am, putting one foot in front of the other. Sometimes more freely than others. Sometimes with calculating and other times with courage. Always onwards, into more willingness to be open and love.
So the next time you hear me talking about "loving yourself" in a workshop or class, know that I am up to my elbows in doing it with you.
If you want to try this "being lighter" thing with me, check out my upcoming events.
With you,
Maeve
